Chapter 22 Scraping the Bone

Yan Jiyue’s expression was terrifyingly frightening, his pale lips trembling constantly. He laughed through tears: “You care for him this much? You’re not even willing to tell him what this word means… Fine, if you don’t have the heart to do it, I do. Xie Yi, ‘yin’ means cheap, promiscuous, shameless, a man even cheaper than a male prostitute, ridden by thousands and pillowed by tens of thousands, a plaything for women.”

“Shut up!” Su Mu wanted to cover his mouth, but it was already too late.

Suddenly, Xie Yi’s deep green pupils were like a murky, dead pool of water. Looking through his eyes, one couldn’t see a trace of life inside, only despair, confusion, and numbness.

“…Mu Jiejie.” Xie Yi was as stiff as a wooden board. After a long while, he called her name woodenly.

“I’m here.” Su Mu brought him into the room and bolted the door. “Xiao Yi, don’t listen to Yan Jiyue’s nonsense. He’s gone mad. He’s deliberately provoking you. Don’t forget, no one knows about the brand on your body now.”

Xie Yi smiled miserably and, in front of her, tore open his clothes. On his snow-white skin, a hideous word bared its fangs on his chest, glaringly displayed before her. Beyond the scar were various new and old wounds, large and small, silently testifying that the brand was just the tip of the iceberg of the torture he had endured.

At this moment, he seemed as if he would shatter at a touch. His seemingly calm expression revealed that he was suppressing himself to the limit: “Mu Jiejie, I only trust you. Tell me, what does this word mean? Is it as he said?”

“Mu Jiejie, Xiao Yi only trusts you. Tell me, what does this word mean, please?” In her previous life, Xie Yi had asked her this way too. Afterwards, Xie Yi had gone mad and stabbed himself with a knife.

No man could endure such great humiliation. Xie Yi, in front of her, took a knife and carved out this piece of flesh bit by bit. Large patches of fresh blood dyed his white clothes red.

She hurriedly took off her clothes to help stop his bleeding, watching helplessly as Xie Yi fell into a pool of blood, his bloodless lips weakly smiling at her: “Mu Jiejie, I’m clean now. Will you still want me?”

She hadn’t yet pulled herself out of her previous life’s memories when the next moment, a warm splash hit her face.

In the instant of her silence, Xie Yi understood everything. He found a sharp knife from somewhere and stabbed it towards his chest, cutting open skin and flesh.

“No!” Su Mu gripped his hand. “Xiao Yi, listen to me. Let go, will you let go?”

“I finally understand why those men were all cursing me, calling me shameless, cheap.” Xie Yi’s face turned extremely pale, fresh blood flowing down through his fingers. The excruciating pain made his whole body tremble.

But all of this couldn’t compare to the cheapness and insult that word brought, making him feel an indescribable fear in his heart. His voice was choked and hoarse: “Mu Jiejie, I am just a cheap man.”

“No, you’re not.” Su Mu held his hand, trying to remove it from the knife handle.

But Xie Yi gripped it tightly, as if what he held in his hand wasn’t a life-threatening knife, but a drug that would set him free. She could feel her hand moving along with Xie Yi’s force, cutting open his skin and flesh bit by bit, bloodily unfolding before her eyes, like dissecting a warm corpse.

Just feeling the force of the knife made her frightened, let alone the open wound on Xie Yi’s body. The one inflicting this slow slicing on himself was he himself.

“Xiao Yi, be good, let go.” Su Mu’s voice was shaking.

In her previous life, she had already witnessed Xie Yi’s cruelty to himself. At that time, she was shocked and pitied him, but she didn’t expect that experiencing it again, seeing the same scene once more, she would feel bottomless fear and unease.

This time, Xie Yi was too harsh on himself. Holding his hand, she felt as if she could hear the cold blade scraping against bone, the thick smell of blood enveloping her.

She was so afraid, afraid that he would die like this.

“Mu Jiejie, you knew all along, didn’t you?” Xie Yi was shaking all over from the pain, without even the strength to stand, powerlessly kneeling on the ground, but the knife handle was still gripped tightly in his hand.

“…Yes.” Su Mu knelt on the ground with him, one hand gripping the knife, the other supporting his swaying body.

Xie Yi’s entire body was as pale as paper, as if from excessive blood loss, only the large patches of crimson on his chest piercing her eyes.

“…Why, why did you still help me hide it…” Xie Yi leaned weakly against her, his voice feeble, every inch of flesh and bone, every nerve writhing in pain.

Why, knowing he had been branded with such a lowly label, his status even lower than that of beasts, did she still help him like this, protect him, even going so far as to find the husband of Teacher Li to help him lie.

Why didn’t she abandon him?

He tightly clutched her clothes, as if venting, yet also as if seeking help.

“Because I wanted you to live well.” Su Mu held him, touching his cold, pale face. “I understand your personality. If you knew the meaning of this word, you would carve out this mark like you’re doing now… It’s too painful… I couldn’t bear it.”

It was precisely because she had seen such a scene in her previous life that Su Mu wanted to change his fate, but in the end, she couldn’t change anything.

“…Couldn’t bear it?” Xie Yi’s teeth chattered from the pain, squeezing out a few words through his clenched teeth: “…Mu Jiejie, I’m so dirty.”

“You’re not dirty, you’re not dirty at all.” Su Mu cupped his face, looking directly into his fragile eyes. “Being branded wasn’t your fault. You’re very clean, you’re the cleanest, the best man I’ve ever seen.”

His green eyes trembled in disbelief, then tears flowed out.

A person like him, selfish and self-serving, shrewd and realistic, his own younger brother cursed him as cold-blooded and heartless. If not for this appearance, all his flaws would be exposed and despised by thousands.

Yet now someone was protecting him like this, praising him as the cleanest, the best.

Fool, idiot, two streams of hot tears rolled down his cold body, but the movement of his hand still didn’t stop.

The more Su Mu was like this, the more he felt ashamed, the more inferior he felt.

He used to pride himself on his scheming, to be ashamed of being soft and virtuous, thinking that if a man looked out for his future, he would suffer a lifetime of torment.

But now he felt ashamed of what he had done before, felt cheap, felt nowhere to hide. Like this, he wasn’t worthy of her.

His already exhausted hand somehow found strength. Xie Yi gripped the knife handle tightly, his eyes carrying a fierce determination, stabbing the blade deeper, as if only by carving deeper could he scrape away the filth etched into his bones bit by bit.

“Xie Yi, you’ve gone mad!” Feeling the knife handle move down again, Su Mu cursed anxiously and heartbrokenly. Her temperament had always been gentle, she never cursed people so heatedly, but Xie Yi easily made her break that rule.

Hearing Su Mu’s curse, Xie Yi’s heart trembled, but he didn’t feel afraid. Instead, he felt a twisted pride and joy.

Su Mu, who had never shown intense emotions outside, who never cursed, was cursing him, cursing him while gently coaxing him: “Xiao Yi, listen to me, put down the knife, alright? If you continue like this, you’ll die.”

Su Mu wasn’t joking. Xie Yi had lost too much blood, the air was filled with a strong smell of blood.

“Mu Jiejie, will you send me away?” Xie Yi leaned closer to her. Because of blood loss, his face and neck had turned cold, but looking at Su Mu’s concerned eyes, he felt as if his heart was soaking in warm water, so cozy.

“No, how could I send you away?” Su Mu covered his wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

Xie Yi was crying, his voice hoarse: “But you’ve been trying to send me away, you want to send me back to the desert.”

Su Mu was stunned for a moment: “I thought you would want to go home. I just wanted to make you happy.”

Xie Yi suddenly became emotional, one arm around Su Mu’s neck, his blood-stained fingers wanting to touch her cheek, but withdrew at the last moment.

His blood was also so dirty.

“What if I don’t want to leave? Will you still let me stay?” Xie Yi asked anxiously. The intense pain made it difficult for him to even maintain his posture, his vision also somewhat blurry.

He bit his lip hard, biting through the flesh to keep his consciousness clear for a moment: “If I want to stay by your side forever, will you allow it? Will you still want me?”

Su Mu was silent for a moment, then asked, “You don’t want your family anymore?”

Xie Yi smiled, without hesitation: “I don’t want them, I want Mu Jiejie.”

He had always been ruthlessly decisive, except for Su Mu. She was the only exception in his life.

Ever since that day he agreed to go home with Su Mu, he had been in agony every moment afterwards, regretting it, until today when he finally confirmed his feelings.

Before, his hometown was his hope for living. Now, his hometown was a burden to his being with Su Mu. He could discard it without hesitation, without any guilt. For the sake of having Su Mu, what did it matter to give up these things?

In an instant, all the shackles binding him were cut off.

The brand on his chest was finally completely carved away, revealing the bloody red flesh inside, exposed to the air. Xie Yi gasped for breath from the pain.

Su Mu quickly took off her clothes to help cover his wound and stop the bleeding: “I’ll go find medicine, find a doctor.”

“No-” Xie Yi grabbed her hand, his voice broken: “Can’t find a doctor, if we find a doctor people will know, I don’t want… don’t want to embarrass you.”

“I don’t care about being embarrassed or not, your life is what’s important.” Su Mu said without thinking.

In her previous life, after Xie Yi carved away the brand, the wound became infected and festered. He developed a high fever and was in a coma for a long time, barely saving his life.

This time, no matter what, she couldn’t let Xie Yi take such a risk again. But before she could leave, Xie Yi used all his strength to grab her sleeve.

He supported himself with his last bit of strength, clinging to her like a vine, his head resting on her shoulder. Because he had lost too much blood, even the breath he exhaled on her neck seemed cold.

Suddenly, she felt a cold and soft touch on her neck, like a thin snowflake falling on her neck: “Mu Jiejie, I’m clean now.”