Chapter 38 Regret

She held the back of Xie Yi’s head, the hot summer breeze passing by, bringing strands of black hair sliding over the back of her hand, a tingling sensation like willow silk teasing, romantic and affectionate.

Never having been so intimate with a woman before, even though he had imagined being close to Su Mu countless times in his mind, when it came to the real thing, Xie Yi was so nervous he didn’t dare to breathe, his eyelashes trembling and his heart pounding.

After a deep kiss, Su Mu slowly withdrew from the warm moistness, but her hand holding the back of his head did not let go, the distance between them only a fraction.

Xie Yi stared with jade-green eyes round like a fawn’s, beads of sweat on his forehead and nose, his kissed lips bright red and swollen, with a little shiny spot on the peak of his upper lip.

Su Mu couldn’t resist giving him another kiss: “Is this enough?”

Xie Yi’s face was crimson, his eyes shy and moist, with joy about to burst forth, as if a fluffy big tail had grown behind him, wagging frantically. His joy was mixed with a hint of restlessness, he opened his mouth as if wanting to say ‘enough’ yet also ‘not enough’.

But before he could speak, they were interrupted by a sudden noise from outside the door.

Su Mu and Xie Yi looked towards the door together, where Yan Jiyue was standing in a disheveled state.

In just a few days, he had become so thin he was barely recognizable. His once loose-fitting robes now hung like a cloth on a skeleton, and they were dirty. His face was even more haggard.

If the former Yan Jiyue was a breathtakingly beautiful flower, now he was beginning to wither.

Yan Jiyue saw Su Mu pressed tightly against Xie Yi, her hand still on the back of his head, her long fingers gently inserted into his long hair, their lips swollen. Then looking at Xie Yi’s shy expression that had not yet faded, he instantly understood what had just happened between them.

He swayed, and if he hadn’t grabbed the iron ring on the door, he would have fallen to the ground.

Su Mu looked at Yan Jiyue, then at Xie Yi, withdrew her hand and stood up, but did not go forward to support Yan Jiyue.

She just looked at him from afar, her expression neither cold nor warm: “How did you get out?”

She had heard about Yan Jiyue being confined.

Yan Jiyue’s face was pale, his colorless lips cracked and bleeding: “I… there’s a dog hole in the corner of the Yan family wall.”

No wonder he, who loved cleanliness the most, was so dirty, and no wonder Xiao Ping wasn’t following him, standing alone in front of her room.

Su Mu suddenly fell silent.

How proud and arrogant Yan Jiyue was, yet there came a day when he was willing to crawl through a dog hole. She could hardly imagine how he bent his back that had never bent before her, hunched his tall body, lowered his lofty head, risking being discovered and laughed at by servants, inch by inch curling his body through the narrow, dirty dog hole.

But… what did that have to do with her?

Su Mu sat back down on the stool, neither inviting him in nor going forward to greet him, and not even a word of concern that could be considered polite. She just gave a faint “mm” and asked, “Then why did you come to find me?”

Hearing Su Mu’s rather cold tone, Yan Jiyue lowered his eyes dejectedly. They were only about ten feet apart, yet it felt as distant as thousands of mountains and rivers.

The person before him was his wife-master, they had been husband and wife for ten years, but now, she wasn’t even willing to look at him properly.

Yan Jiyue suddenly felt a sting in his eyes, and he had to hold back hard to keep the tears from flowing: “…I wanted to see you.”

“See me?” Su Mu laughed silently: “Alright, since you’ve seen me, you should go back now, otherwise Yan Zhujun will be worried when he finds out you’ve sneaked out.”

She didn’t want to delve into why Yan Jiyue would rather crawl through a dog hole to see her. However, she didn’t care and didn’t want to delve into it, she just wanted to send him away quickly, because she clearly sensed the dissatisfaction of the person beside her.

This dissatisfaction was not towards her, but towards Yan Jiyue. Even though Xie Yi was sitting obediently by her side, not speaking, she could feel Xie Yi’s strong hostility towards Yan Jiyue, and of course, Yan Jiyue felt the same.

They seemed to naturally not get along, in both lives.

“You two just now…” Hearing her words of dismissal, Yan Jiyue’s face instantly paled another shade, his pale face only red around the eyes, his eyes brimming with tears, miserable and aggrieved. One might have thought he was a neglected husband catching his wife-master in the act of infidelity.

Su Mu didn’t try to hide or cover up, she suddenly wrapped her arm around Xie Yi’s waist while he was completely unprepared, as if to announce to the world: “We were naturally being intimate.”

Yan Jiyue’s body swayed, and he finally couldn’t hold on anymore, collapsing to the ground, the world-class flower completely withered.

“Brother Xie Yi is beautiful and gentle, Ah Mu is now a provincial graduate, it’s only right to take him into the household as a secondary husband.” After a long while, Yan Jiyue forced a bitter smile, his fingers deeply embedded in the floor tiles, his delicate fingertips oozing fresh blood. It was obvious that he had endured to the extreme, to make his once arrogant self rarely not fly into a rage.

But Su Mu had no intention of taking Xie Yi as a secondary husband.

“Xiao Yi won’t be my secondary husband, he will be my principal husband.”

Xie Yi was overwhelmed with joy, he had never dared to hope to become Su Mu’s principal husband. Just as Master Wife Yan Jiyue thought, he was of humble origin and had once been a slave, fortunately following Su Mu he had become a commoner again, but his past disgraceful history made him completely unworthy of Su Mu as she was now. Even being a secondary husband would be elevating him, let alone the position of principal husband.

He had never dared to hope, even in his most extravagant dream he only dreamed of giving birth to three daughters for Su Mu, contributing to the expansion of the Su family, and being promoted to a side husband.

But hearing Su Mu’s words, he was so shocked he couldn’t speak, the overwhelming joy beyond his capacity to bear pressed down on him, leaving him dumbfounded.

“Principal husband, principal husband… you like him this much… two lives, it’s been the same for two lives, for two lives I couldn’t keep your heart. Su Mu, tell me, where am I inferior to him?” Yan Jiyue’s expression suddenly became agitated, grief-stricken and desperate, with even more resentment towards Xie Yi.

“You’ve always complained that I’m not as gentle as him, you don’t like me, we’ve been husband and wife for ten years, but you’ve barely entered my room. Every day you let this cheap slave serve you, allowing him to whisper in your ear, you only know how to cherish and love him, but you never cared about me! Why?! Why?!” Yan Jiyue became more and more agitated as he spoke, becoming hysterical.

Su Mu took a deep breath, listening to his accusations, as if seeing the Yan Jiyue from her previous life again.

What else should she do? It was just a contract marriage, and she didn’t like Yan Jiyue’s personality. Just because he wanted her love, did she have to give it? Love cannot be forced.

As for Xie Yi, at that time there were rumors outside that Xie Yi was her favored attendant, and Yan Jiyue believed this, so he repeatedly mistreated and tortured Xie Yi. She had explained to Yan Jiyue more than once that there was nothing between her and Xie Yi.

But Yan Jiyue never listened to her explanations. He was obstinate, stubborn, and cruel in his methods.

It was too exhausting to deal with such a person. Moreover, his words were cutting, and he never spoke directly about his thoughts or needs for her, only giving hints in a roundabout way, leaving her to figure it out on her own.

If she figured it out, he would give her a good face to look at. If she didn’t, he would force her to endure his verbal abuse.

Being in the same room with such a person, not only could she not feel any emotional value from him, but she also had to serve him like serving an ancestor, always accommodating him, pampering him.

To be honest, sometimes she felt she was more anxious and exhausted than the eunuchs serving the emperor, always on edge, afraid that she would unintentionally upset him again.

“I think you must have gone mad, there are no two lives between us.” Su Mu looked at the hysterical Yan Jiyue with exhaustion and coldness. Fortunately, he didn’t know that she had also been reborn. If he knew, he would surely make an even bigger fuss.

She had been reborn to draw a clear line with everything from the past, to live her own simple life, definitely not to be entangled with Yan Jiyue.

Thinking of this, Su Mu’s expression also turned cold: “Since you’ve come to my house early in the morning to cry and make a scene, I don’t need to be polite with you. You can go back by yourself, don’t force me to drive you out.”

“No, don’t drive me away.” Yan Jiyue stumbled towards Su Mu on his knees. The usually proud and arrogant him had never lost composure like this except for the first time he saw Xie Yi hitting someone in her courtyard: “Ah Mu, I will change, I will become like Xie Yi, don’t drive me away. I don’t want to lose you again, let me stay by your side, okay?”

“Yan Jiyue, do you know that I really dislike you like this.” Su Mu avoided his hand trying to grab her skirt.

Yan Jiyue’s body froze, a hot tear falling on the back of his hand.

“Young master, young master,” Xiao Ping hurriedly rushed into Su Mu’s courtyard, seeing Yan Jiyue indeed in Su Mu’s courtyard, but his whole body slumped, kneeling on the ground like a miserable dog, looking indescribably pitiful. He was shocked, but seeing Yan Jiyue safe, he still felt relieved.

“Young master, how did you run out? Come back with me quickly, if the master knows you sneaked out, he will surely punish you.”

“Xiao Ping, you’ve come at the right time, quickly take your young master back.” Su Mu said.

Xiao Ping nodded and went forward to support Yan Jiyue: “Young master, let’s go back. Ling Hua will be here soon. If he finds out you’re not in Handan Palace, you’ll be in trouble, and we servants will suffer too.”

“Get lost!” Yan Jiyue didn’t care about the consequences. He knelt on what was once his pride and arrogance, pulling Su Mu’s sleeve, crying and begging: “I won’t go back. Ah Mu, keep me, please? I know I was wrong before, I really will change. Let me serve you, even as a slave I’m willing. Let me be your slave to atone, I will serve you better than Xie Yi.”

Xie Yi was on high alert. Serving Su Mu was his job. Seeing Yan Jiyue about to snatch his position, he couldn’t sit still anymore: “Brother Yan, please stop crying. Making such a scene at Sister Mu’s doorstep, if the neighbors hear, they might think Sister Mu has done something to you. She has just become a provincial graduate, do you want her to face criticism?”