Chapter 42: Needle and Thread

“No way to repay?” Su Mu chuckled softly as she took his hand, wrapped her arm around his waist, and whispered intimately near his earlobe: “There is a way to repay.”

Repay?

Was it what he was thinking?

Xie Yi’s whole body shuddered, his long lowered eyelashes trembling slightly.

If he hadn’t sat obediently by her side the next second, allowing her hand to rest on his waist, it would have been exactly like a frivolous young lady teasing a virtuous young man.

Xie Yi swallowed, his clear and fair skin taking on a thin pink hue under the lamplight. The soft light was like mist, as if even the fine downy hair on his cheeks could be seen clearly.

His gaze wavered, a fleeting glimmer of moisture passing through his eyes. Trembling, he moved his hand to his belt, quivering and filled with vague anticipation: “…Alright.”

“You—” Su Mu grabbed his hand: “You thought…”

Xie Yi thought he had misunderstood, shamelessly offering himself like a male prostitute only to be rejected by Su Mu. He immediately became flustered, his body instantly stiffening like ice, not daring to raise his head to look at Su Mu.

Su Mu burst out laughing, holding his hand in hers, and said gently: “Xiao Yi, you don’t need to rush. I don’t want to take you without a proper status either.”

Xie Yi lowered his head in shame, biting the soft flesh inside his mouth, his chest rising and falling nervously. After a while, he spoke as if mustering all his courage: “Sister Mu, I actually don’t care about status.”

“……”

Xie Yi didn’t dare to see what kind of look Su Mu was giving him now, whether shocked or contemptuous. He just wanted to tell Su Mu his most genuine thoughts.

He continued, his voice trembling: “Sister Mu, I know my status is low, unworthy of you. You should marry the young master from the Xu family in the north of the city. Such a refined and virtuous young master from a good family is more suitable for you, and can also help your future career… I would be content just to be able to serve Sister Mu forever.”

Before meeting Su Mu, he was inherently selfish, believing one should act for oneself. Xie Yi knew that in some ways, he and Yan Jiyue were the same kind of person – equally proud, selfish, and harsh.

It’s just that Yan Jiyue displayed it without hiding, while he concealed it in his heart, covering it with gentleness and compliance.

If a woman wanted to marry him without money, power, or status, it would be nothing but a fool’s dream.

But when facing Su Mu, all the standards he had set in his heart were thrown out completely.

If before, he still had a tiny bit of hope in his heart to become Su Mu’s primary husband, but since Su Mu became a successful candidate in the imperial examinations, he didn’t dare to have even this tiny bit of hope anymore.

What was her status, and what was his status? Xie Yi was clear about this in his heart.

Even if Sister Mu really liked him and was willing to take him into her household as the primary husband, there would inevitably be other concubines in the back courtyard in the future.

Either way, Sister Mu would not belong to him alone in the future, so what was the point of clinging to the position of primary husband? Without the wife-master’s favor, even if he became the primary husband, he would only end up like Yan Jiyue, becoming a resentful husband in the inner chambers. She probably wouldn’t even visit his courtyard once in a year or half.

So Xie Yi didn’t care about status at all.

What he cared about was only Su Mu herself. As long as he could keep her heart and use all his efforts to make her dote on him, even if he was just a servant by her side, not even as good as a concubine, it would be much happier than being a primary husband who was only superficially glorious.

He would rather be a personal servant than become a second Yan Jiyue… At least as Sister Mu’s personal servant, he could see her every day, couldn’t he?

“You… do you know what you’re saying?” Su Mu was suddenly taken aback, and after a while, she said.

Xie Yi knelt at Su Mu’s feet, his hand lightly holding the hem of Su Mu’s skirt, looking up at her as if gazing upon a deity: “I know, of course I know, Sister Mu. Every word I just said came from my heart, and I don’t regret a single word. I just want…”

Xie Yi bit his thin lips. He just wanted to be like an ordinary man, writhing in pleasure beneath Sister Mu.

“You—” Su Mu pulled him up from the ground. Due to the force, she didn’t pay attention to the foot basin beside her feet. Water splashed out with a “whoosh”, soaking Su Mu’s skirt and the upper half of Xie Yi’s body.

“Look how wet you are now.” Su Mu used a handkerchief to wipe the wet water from his neck and tucked the damp strands of hair from his forehead behind his ear. “Although I don’t know why you would think this way, it was the same before. You always hide your feelings in your heart, keeping them from me for a—”

Lifetime.

Su Mu sighed and smiled, cupping his face to comfort him: “Don’t worry, since I like you, I have no extra thoughts for others. In the future, it will be just you and me, together for a lifetime. Don’t overthink anymore, or I’ll get angry.”

Xie Yi’s lips quivered: “…Together for a lifetime?”

He had only heard this phrase in plays before. Previously, he thought this phrase was just sweet talk women used to seduce men, not to be taken seriously.

But he never expected that one day, he would hear it from the mouth of the person he carefully cherished in his heart.

How could he be worthy of this… He wasn’t deserving… He wasn’t worthy…

Xie Yi was both excited and fearful, uncontrollably shedding two lines of tears.

It was as if he had obtained a treasure that didn’t belong to him. Even though it was real in his hands, even though it was hidden in a high tower where no one could peek, he felt as if he was walking on thin ice, without any sense of security, not knowing when this treasure that didn’t belong to him would be taken away by someone else.

The better Su Mu was, the better Su Mu treated him, the deeper this fear of loss, this anxiety became, etched into his bones, torturing his nerves at all times.

“Why are you… Don’t cry, I didn’t bully you.” Su Mu gently wiped away the tears on his face.

“I’m just too, too happy.” Xie Yi’s slightly reddened eyes, wet green pupils, with tears still clinging to his eyelashes, casually wiped his face with the back of his hand, tentatively leaning closer to Su Mu.

Seeing that she didn’t reject him, Xie Yi gathered his courage and rested his head on her shoulder, his heart pounding.

This was the first time he had cuddled up to Su Mu like this. Through the thin summer clothes, he could easily feel her body temperature, a faint fragrance, indistinguishable whether it was the scent of flowers or ink, or perhaps a combination of both, as intoxicating as a spring breeze.

“Brother, are you in there?” Just as the two were enjoying this rare moment of tranquility, an abrupt voice quickly destroyed the atmosphere.

A flash of intense resentment passed through Xie Yi’s eyes as he reluctantly got up from Su Mu.

“Your brother is looking for you. Go see him. He’s still unfamiliar with many things in this new home, you should help him get acquainted,” Su Mu said.

Xie Yi bit his lip: “But I haven’t washed your feet yet, Sister Mu. He probably doesn’t have anything urgent. Sister Mu, let me finish serving you before I go to him.”

As he spoke, Xie Yi was about to squat down to wash her feet.

Su Mu stopped him: “You brothers have escaped death from enemy hands, been separated for so long, and been through so much together. It’s better to have a good catch-up. He must be looking forward to chatting with you more. I can wash my own feet.”

As she spoke, Su Mu took off her shoes herself, removed her clean socks, revealing snow-white feet.

Because she was born into a wealthy family and rarely walked, always being driven to and from school, there were no calluses on her feet at all. When she shared a room with other women in the servants’ quarters at the Yan family, she was often teased that her feet were more delicate than those of most men. When her white feet were placed in the clear water, the ripples in the water made her toes appear even more lustrous like jade.

Xie Yi lowered his eyes, concealing the disappointment in them, and said lightly: “Alright then, I’ll come to serve Sister Mu tomorrow.”

“Go on,” Su Mu smiled.

Xie Yi retreated from the room, closing Su Mu’s door tightly.

Turning around, he saw Xie Miaorong looking at him with innocent eyes.

Xie Yi’s previously docile and lovable expression that invited pity instantly changed to one of displeasure, his eyes covered with a layer of deep coldness.

He pulled Xie Miaorong into the room, closed the door, and said in a voice so low it sounded particularly gloomy: “What do you want?”

Xie Miaorong smiled: “Nothing, I just wanted to ask brother which of these things I can use?”

Xie Yi hooked his lips, looking coldly at the bright red clothes on his body, and said with a cold laugh: “Which ones? Haven’t you already used the ones you shouldn’t?”

Xie Miaorong tugged at his clothes: “Is brother still angry with me? I didn’t know you hadn’t worn this outfit yourself. But brother, Sister Mu treats you quite well, the material of this clothes is excellent.”

“Shut up,” Xie Yi’s eyes reflected a cold light: “Who are you to call her Sister Mu?”

Xie Miaorong was slightly shocked, then laughed: “Brother, aren’t you overreacting? It’s just a form of address.”

“This form of address is only for me, not for you. Don’t forget that if it weren’t for me today, you’d still be fighting with beggars for food on the street!” Xie Yi narrowed his eyes slightly.

Xie Miaorong’s brows suddenly tightened, and a look of resentment floated in his eyes: “Brother, these words are too cruel. After all, we are blood brothers. After father and mother died, I’m the only relative you have left. Yet because of a woman and a form of address, you want to throw me out?”

If it hadn’t been for Xie Yi whispering in his ear back then, saying how rich and powerful Tang Ta was, what a good support she would be, and showing how much he liked her, he wouldn’t have married Tang Ta.

If he hadn’t married her, he wouldn’t have been abandoned during the war and suffered so much.

Why did he have to suffer so much while his dear brother could live such a good life, with a woman by his side a thousand, ten thousand times better than Tang Ta? He just couldn’t accept it.

Xie Miaorong continued: “Besides, I heard everything you said to Miss Su, Sister Mu, in the room just now. So submissive and spineless, where did your former pride go? Didn’t you always say that only the most lowly men would foolishly give their hearts to women to play with, only to be casually discarded one day? How have you become such a person now?”

He lightly mocked: “You even said you don’t want status anymore. This isn’t like you, begging for favor, like a dog.”

Xie Miaorong knew Xie Yi’s proud and selfish nature best. Being seen by his own younger brother fawning over a woman would surely throw him into disarray.

What Xie Miaorong loved to see most was Xie Yi losing his mask, losing face completely. He was waiting to see how Xie Yi would panic and argue.

Unexpectedly, not only did Xie Yi not argue, but he arrogantly raised his chin, his phoenix eyes full of gorgeous and rippling brilliance: “I’m happy to be Sister Mu’s dog. You don’t even have the qualifications to want to be one!”