Chapter 45: Lu Cha, I will marry you

“Meng, although I truly hope you and Lu Cha will marry, I won’t force you. You can make your own decisions about your affairs.”

Yang Qing looked at Zhang Meng and said: “I just want to remind you of one thing – if you want to survive in this world, you must follow its rules. This world is as it is, with women superior and men inferior. In many matters, men are inherently in a weaker position. You think Lu Cha treating you this way is his fault, and that you are innocent. But according to worldly customs, since you took his virginity, you should take responsibility for him. You can’t escape this. You and I lived on the mountain for ten years, rarely interacting with the outside world. You don’t know how important reputation is for a man…”

Zhang Meng lowered her head and eyes: “In the end, you still want me to marry him, don’t you?”

She knew she couldn’t view what happened between her and Xu Lu Cha through the lens of the modern world. As Yang Qing said, to survive in this world, one must follow its rules. Because they weren’t in the modern world, but in a matriarchal one. However, having lived in the modern world for over twenty years, how could she easily change her mindset?

She believed she was right, but others saw her as a heartless woman who only knew how to avoid responsibility.

“Yang Qing, I don’t want to marry him.” When she said this, Zhang Meng’s eyes reddened.

She never imagined she and Xu Lu Cha would reach this point. She didn’t dislike Xu Lu Cha; on the contrary, she rather admired him in some aspects.

In this world, men couldn’t control their own fate. Their marriages were all decided by their fathers – whoever their father told them to marry, they had to marry, without any resistance. This caused many marital tragedies. Some pitiful men married wife-masters who were abusive, or those who spent their days carousing outside, yet they could only endure silently, as society didn’t allow them to resist.

Although Xu Lu Cha was somewhat selfish and unscrupulous, he was indeed different from most men. He had a spirit of resistance and knew how to seek his own happiness. Zhang Meng just never expected Xu Lu Cha’s unscrupulousness would be used on her, and in such an unspeakable way.

Seeing Zhang Meng’s aggrieved and distressed appearance, Yang Qing sighed softly: “Meng, some things can’t be avoided just because you say you don’t want to do them. I’m not forcing you to marry Lu Cha, but I want you to see the reality clearly. You’ve already ruined his entire life, do you understand?”

Seeing Zhang Meng’s face turn pale, Yang Qing felt somewhat reluctant, but he still said: “Meng, I’m telling you to marry Lu Cha for your own good. In the future, you’ll realize Lu Cha is your ideal partner, and no one can replace him.”

More importantly, Meng, you have feelings for Lu Cha. You may not notice how gentle your eyes are when you look at him, but I’ve lived with you for ten years – how could I not understand you? You think you still like me, you think Lu Cha won’t be interested in you. You always tell yourself you only see Lu Cha as a friend. But do you really know the definition of friendship? Your compassion for Lu Cha has already exceeded the care one shows a friend. You just can’t recognize your own feelings.

“Meng, think it over carefully.” With that, Yang Qing picked up his bowl and chopsticks and left.

Zhang Meng sat silently at the stone table for a long time. It wasn’t until the sky began to darken and Yang Qing came to remind her to return to the yamen that she came back to her senses.

Zhang Meng bid farewell to Yang Qing and went down the mountain. She had originally wanted to stay with Yang Qing on the mountain for a while, but Yang Qing told her to return to the yamen, saying she was already grown up and it wasn’t appropriate for her to live with him, as men and women should maintain distance. Although Zhang Meng felt hurt by Yang Qing’s distancing, she would never make things difficult for him.

Returning to the vicinity of the yamen, Zhang Meng saw that the entrance was quiet and almost deserted. Xu Lu Cha wasn’t there either. She was slightly surprised but soon felt relieved. Lu Cha must have gone home. This was good; him giving up on her was a good thing for both him and her.

However, just as Zhang Meng approached the yamen, the round-faced constable at the door spotted her and anxiously spoke up: “Zhang Meng! Where have you been? Something’s happened to Young Master Xu!”

Upon hearing this news, Zhang Meng felt as if she’d been struck hard on the back of her head with a stick. Her mind went blank with a buzzing sound. She hurriedly stepped forward, grabbing the constable’s sleeve, and anxiously asked: “What happened to him?”

“Vomiting blood, unconscious… The Xu family has already taken him back to the Xu residence. It looks like he might not make it.”

“That’s impossible! It’s only been a few days…” She couldn’t believe it.

Just a few months ago, Xu Lu Cha had been full of life, cunningly planning for his own marriage.

How could he be on the verge of death now? When she saw him a few days ago, although he looked haggard, at least he still had the energy to barge into the yamen looking for her…

He couldn’t possibly be dying…

What Zhang Meng didn’t know was that since being rejected by her, Xu Lu Cha hadn’t eaten well or slept properly, wearing out his body. Add to that several days of standing at the door waiting for her without sleep or rest, being pointed at and gossiped about by countless people, and the despair from her refusal to see him. The double blow to his body and mind finally caused him to collapse.

“Zhang Meng, if you don’t go see Young Master Xu now, you’ll be a heartless, unfaithful woman, and I’ll never speak to you again.”

Seeing Zhang Meng still in a daze, Qian Lu wished she could kick her all the way to the Xu residence. She pushed Zhang Meng’s shoulders hard: “Hurry up and go see Young Master Xu, don’t just stand there like an idiot.”

Zhang Meng stumbled from the push, nearly falling to the ground. Qian Lu was slightly startled; she hadn’t expected Zhang Meng to be so easily pushed over. She quickly grabbed Zhang Meng’s arm: “Zhang Meng, all the women in our yamen are strong and responsible. Don’t bring shame to our yamen…”

Zhang Meng’s mind was still in chaos, but her feet moved uncontrollably towards the Xu residence.

She kept comforting herself in her mind, thinking this might be Xu Lu Cha’s ploy to gain sympathy, that he was tricking her into visiting him.

But when she arrived at the Xu residence and saw the frail Xu Lu Cha on the bed, her heart ached involuntarily, as if countless fine needles were piercing the softest part of her heart.

She couldn’t understand why Xu Lu Cha had become like this. His face, stripped of rouge, was frighteningly pale, his lips an even more terrifying bluish-purple. No matter how she looked at him, he appeared to be at death’s door.

How could he have become like this? The more Zhang Meng thought about Xu Lu Cha’s former beauty, comparing it to the weak and haggard Xu Lu Cha lying on the bed now, the more her heart ached with guilt.

Zi Yi sat by the window, crying while feeding medicine to the unconscious Xu Lu Cha.

Zhang Meng stood there in a daze and asked hoarsely: “Zi Yi, how is your young master?”

Zi Yi paused, turned his head, and glared at her fiercely: “He’s about to die. Are you satisfied?”

Zhang Meng’s face turned pale as she stuttered: “Zi Yi, how could he possibly die? Don’t lie to me…”

She approached Xu Lu Cha, about to touch his hand, but Zi Yi harshly slapped her hand away.

Zhang Meng’s hand immediately turned red, her hand stinging, but she stubbornly reached out again, tightly grasping Xu Lu Cha’s hand.

Zi Yi tried to pry her hand away but couldn’t. Finally, he let go of Zhang Meng’s hand helplessly and said tearfully: “The young master is ruined because of you.”

Zhang Meng looked at Xu Lu Cha’s haggard appearance, her heart aching. She turned and pleaded: “Zi Yi, can you let me stay alone with Young Master Xu for a while?”

Zi Yi’s eyes were blurred with tears. He hesitated for a moment, then finally sighed and left with the tray. Even though he resented Zhang Meng for hurting his young master and wanted to drive her out of the Xu residence, the young master desperately wanted her to come. If something really happened to the young master, perhaps only Zhang Meng could save him.

After Zi Yi left, only Zhang Meng and Xu Lu Cha remained in the room. The room was terrifyingly quiet, as if the air itself had solidified.

Zhang Meng’s hand, tightly gripping Xu Lu Cha’s wrist, slowly relaxed. She withdrew her hand, but the cold temperature and bony feeling still made her heart palpitate.

She had just held Xu Lu Cha’s hand, and it felt like holding a piece of white bone.

He had become so weak…

“Fool…” Zhang Meng muttered, “Debasing yourself like this for an unworthy woman, how foolish are you…”

It felt like a huge stone was pressing on her chest, making it hard to breathe. The painful emotions made her eyes red.

She reached out with trembling hands and gently caressed Xu Lu Cha’s gaunt face.

“Get better soon, Xu Lu Cha,” she said in a shaky voice.

“I’ll take responsibility for you.”

If Xu Lu Cha were to die because of her, she would feel guilty for the rest of her life.

So: “I will marry you. Please get better soon.”

Zhang Meng stared at Xu Lu Cha for a long time until Zi Yi knocked on the door and came in, saying: “Constable Zhang, it’s late now. Constable Qian has come to look for you…”

Zhang Meng came back to her senses, let go of Xu Lu Cha’s hand, and stood up: “Zi Yi, take good care of Lu Cha. I’ll go back now and come to see him again tomorrow.”

As Zhang Meng was about to leave, Xu Lu Cha, who had been unconscious, suddenly moved his fingers and grabbed Zhang Meng’s hand.

Zhang Meng’s body stiffened, and she turned back to look at Xu Lu Cha. Xu Lu Cha had woken up at some point, his beautiful red eyes staring at her in a daze.

“Don’t go!” he said hoarsely, his eyes pleading.

His hand slowly tightened, his bony fingers turning deathly white from the effort.

“Is it true what you just said about marrying me?”

His voice trembled, fragile and uncertain. In his unconscious state, he had awakened as soon as Zhang Meng entered the room, as if he and she had developed a psychic connection, able to sense her presence.

He had been afraid to open his eyes, fearing that when he did, Zhang Meng wouldn’t be there, that it was all just a dream.

Now, his hand tightly gripped her warm hand, and he could clearly feel her presence. This wasn’t a dream. She had really come to see him. And she said she would marry him.

Tears slowly welled up in Xu Lu Cha’s beautiful eyes as he asked hoarsely: “Is it true that you will marry me?”

Zhang Meng grasped his hand in return and sighed: “Yes, it’s true. So you need to get better soon. Understand?”

Xu Lu Cha suddenly pulled Zhang Meng down onto himself with force, stretched out both arms, and hugged her tightly.

He choked out: “Keep your word. I’ll be waiting for you to marry me.”

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