Chapter 66: Heartache

Creak-

The wooden door, which hadn’t been pushed open for a long time, made a hoarse and unpleasant sound as it was opened.

“Cough, cough.” Si Qingyu waved her hand in front of her face to disperse the dust falling from the wooden door. She opened the courtyard door and walked into the yard she hadn’t set foot in for a long time.

Everything inside was covered in dust, clearly showing that no one had lived here for a long while.

Si Qingyu stood in the center of the courtyard, looking around with a nostalgic smile. Hmm, it was still the same as before.

She walked to the table in the courtyard and was about to place her bundle on it, but hesitated upon seeing the dusty tabletop. In the end, she still threw the bundle onto it.

Standing in this familiar place, the sadness and melancholy Si Qingyu had felt over the past few days faded a little.

The sparse sunlight from the mountains shone into the courtyard, bringing a touch of warmth to the slightly cool autumn day. Si Qingyu stretched comfortably.

At a glance, the layout of this house was similar to the bamboo house in the countryside, but it was slightly larger.

This place was a true paradise. Outside the courtyard door was a peach blossom forest, surrounded by mountains. It would be extremely difficult for someone unfamiliar with the route to find this place.

Initially, she had lived in seclusion here with Mother Si. Before Mother Si passed away, she had never left this place. They relied on the mountains for food and the water for drink. Although it was just her and Mother Si, life was very pleasant and carefree.

It was only after Mother Si’s passing that Si Qingyu left this place, solely because of Mother Si’s last wish.

Now, after staying in the capital for just a few days, Si Qingyu couldn’t bear it any longer. She thought she might as well come back here to live.

Anyway… she had nothing to care about anymore.

Si Qingyu lowered her eyes, feeling a sense of confusion and daze lingering in her heart.

Shaking off the thoughts that surfaced in her mind again, Si Qingyu sighed. Forget it, forget it. What was the point of thinking about these things?

She only hoped that in the future, he wouldn’t do anything he would regret.

Si Qingyu picked up the bundle on the table and pushed open the bedroom door. She was immediately greeted by a cloud of dust, making it impossible to open her eyes. She covered her nose and mouth with her hand, waving in front of her a couple of times. She walked in, put down the bundle, and then went out.

If she wanted to stay here today, she would probably have to put in a lot of effort. Si Qingyu couldn’t stand sleeping in a dusty place.

She picked up the two wooden buckets in the yard and walked through the peach blossom forest outside. Not far down the slope between the two mountains was a mountain spring stream.

Si Qingyu squatted down by the stream and scooped up a handful of clear and transparent stream water, splashing it on her face. The cool and refreshing feeling instantly made her somewhat muddled mind much clearer.

She filled the two wooden buckets with stream water and carried them back to the courtyard with a shoulder pole.

By the time she finished cleaning the bedroom, the sky had already darkened. Si Qingyu frowned, glancing at the sky, and then at the courtyard outside that was still covered in dust.

Sighing, she decided to forget it. She would do it tomorrow. It had taken her a long time to get here today, and it would be difficult to finish it in a short while.

After hastily eating some dry rations, Si Qingyu placed Mother Si’s memorial tablet on the spotless table and carefully wiped away a bit of dust that had gotten on it with a handkerchief.

Looking at the memorial tablet, the corners of Si Qingyu’s mouth curved into a gentle smile. Her eyes were like the twinkling stars in the night sky. She pressed her forehead against the memorial tablet and nuzzled it, like a child relying on her mother. “Mother, we’re back again. Are you happy?”

After a moment of silence, she added, “I’m very happy too.”

If he were here, he should be very happy as well.

Why was she thinking about that person again…

Si Qingyu rubbed her brow in frustration and looked at the memorial tablet on the table. She unconsciously pouted. “Mother… Do you think I should forgive him?” She lowered her head, fiddling with her fingers. “Although he did something very outrageous, but…”

“But he is my husband after all. If I had understood him more, cared about him more, I think he wouldn’t have been like this… lacking a sense of security…”

The memorial tablet naturally couldn’t answer her question. The woman’s voice sounded like she was talking to herself.

Si Qingyu sighed, feeling a bit deflated as she lay on the table. Her mind kept thinking about the various things that had happened before, her eyelids growing heavier and heavier.

In a daze, her body seemed to float up, and a white mist appeared before her eyes. Through the mist, Si Qingyu saw her life with Mother Si in the past.

Mother Si’s elegant and aloof eyes curved, and she held the young Si Qingyu in her arms, tossing her up and down, a loving smile on her lips. “Yuer, are you happy?”

“Hahaha, I’m happy!” The young Si Qingyu happily waved her little hands, her childish and clear laughter spilling from her mouth.

“Then shall Mother toss you higher?”

“Mm!”

Mother Si held the young her, spinning around in the courtyard. The crisp and pleasant laughter echoed in the mountains.

The time spent with Mother Si was the happiest and most carefree for her. She was like a real child, acting coquettishly towards Mother Si and having fun.

The white mist before her eyes shifted again, the scenes constantly changing. They were all moments from her days with Mother Si. Mother Si taught her how to treat illnesses, how to take pulses, and how to make medicines. They went to gather herbs together, cooked together, and took walks together, accompanying her until she grew up.

It was like a continuous playback of the first half of her life.

Si Qingyu was immersed in it with full attachment until the warmth shattered. The final scene was Mother Si lying on the bed with a sickly appearance, comforting the grieving her by the bedside with soothing words, slowly fading away.

No matter how skilled a physician she was, she couldn’t cure herself.

Suddenly, the scene before her eyes changed. Si Qingyu looked around in a daze. Was this a dream? Why did this dream feel so real? The surroundings seemed to truly exist.

A familiar voice reached her ears. Si Qingyu’s heart trembled, and she slowly turned her head to look.

She saw a man in purple splendid robes, his eyes filled with sorrow and desolation, his ink-black hair slightly disheveled.

The man walked on the street with a stiff and numb body, as if he had been walking like this for a long time. Suddenly, his eyes lit up, and he hurriedly walked forward, grabbing a woman in white robes in front of him. However, when he saw the woman’s face, the light in his eyes dimmed again.

Si Qingyu felt an unbearable sourness in her heart. She stepped forward, wanting to pull him back, but when her hand touched the man, she grasped only air.

She could only watch helplessly as the man before her, completely devoid of his usual noble elegance, continued to walk aimlessly with stumbling steps, pulling aside anyone he saw to ask them a question.

“Do you know where my wife is?”

Upon receiving a negative answer, he would continue to wander the streets in a dejected manner.

From day to night, he never rested, accompanied by despair, calling out her name in a pitiful voice until he could no longer shout, no longer walk. Finally, he collapsed on the ground, slowly turning to ashes.

Si Qingyu trembled in shock and pounced forward, but she couldn’t even grasp the last wisp of smoke.

The man just vanished completely before her eyes…

“Shaoxuan!!” Si Qingyu woke up from the dream with a start, gasping for breath. She looked around in terror and realized that she had fallen asleep at the table.

Si Qingyu sighed in relief, wiping the cold sweat from her forehead with a trembling hand. Fortunately… fortunately, it was just a dream.

She looked out the window and found that it was still late at night.

Glancing at the memorial tablet in front of her, Si Qingyu forced a smile. She supported herself on the table and stood up, her numb legs making it difficult for her to stand steady. She slowly dragged herself to the door, opened it, and walked out to sit on the steps outside.

The cool breeze blowing on her body made her mind a bit clearer.

Si Qingyu took a deep breath and slowly raised her head to look at the full moon overhead.

How could she have such a dream? It was truly ominous.

He… shouldn’t be foolish enough to do such a thing.

Si Qingyu frowned, pressing her slender hand against her chest, trying her best to ignore the unease in her heart.

Until dawn, Si Qingyu had just thought of enduring the discomfort in her heart and continuing to clean the courtyard when she saw a travel-worn woman outside the door.

The unease in her heart infinitely expanded upon seeing the rarely anxious look on Qingmo’s face. She didn’t bother to think about how Qingmo knew she was here.

She rode the horse back at top speed, but even at a breakneck pace, it would still take a whole day.

The wind kept whipping across Si Qingyu’s face like a bone-chilling blade. She no longer cared about anything else, her mind filled only with the dream from last night, replaying over and over again as if to torture her.

Shaoxuan, don’t do anything foolish…

Si Qingyu urged the horse to go even faster. She had never felt time to be so pressing before.

When the horse stopped in front of the bamboo house, Si Qingyu hurriedly dismounted. Ignoring the dust and wrinkles on her clothes, she pushed open the courtyard door but was stunned by the state of the yard.

The courtyard looked as if no one had lived there for some time, a thin layer of dust covering the stone table.

Si Qingyu’s footsteps only slightly paused. Afterward, she remembered that she couldn’t care about these things anymore. She quickened her pace and walked to the bedroom, pushing open the door as well. The scene inside the room made her completely freeze.

On the bed lay a thin man wearing the wedding attire from the day of their marriage. The splendid wedding robes were spread across the entire bed, the ceremonial hat had rolled to the side, and the man dressed in red wedding clothes had his eyes tightly closed. His face was deathly pale, his cheeks sunken, and his silky black hair had lost its luster.

Like a withered epiphyllum flower, he had lost his original colors.

Si Qingyu’s pupils constricted, and she stood there in a daze, seeming not to have reacted yet.

For a moment, she felt her entire body go weak and powerless. She staggered a couple of steps and slowly walked to the bedside, her trembling hand caressing the man’s haggard face.

How could he be in such a state? She had only been away for a few days… Si Qingyu lifted the man’s emaciated body and hugged him tightly in her arms. With a trembling finger, she pressed it against the man’s philtrum.

Wake up…

Holding the person who had become unrecognizably thin, Si Qingyu could no longer hold back the grief in her heart. Tears fell drop by drop onto the man’s gaunt chin. Her fingers trembled as she pinched his philtrum, her voice choked with sobs. “Wake up…” “Shaoxuan, wake up…”

Shaoxuan…

Is this your solution?

Tormenting yourself like this…

What should she do… What should she do…

Si Qingyu pressed her tear-stained face against the man’s cold cheek, her heart aching as if it were being ruthlessly pierced by needles, a dense and overwhelming pain.

Fool…

A fool that made her heart ache.